The Great Celebrity Bake Off 2021: episode two – live

My sentiments exactly.

David Baddiel adding the decoration to his bake: “They’re like orange fish in a very polluted sea.”

“This will cool it down”, says David as he pours hot curd onto his hot pastry. Across the tent, Kelly has gone quietly intense, Anne-Marie is gasping for air and James has reached for a blowtorch.

Anne-Marie just tried to open the fridge with her foot.

Is Anne-Marie the most competitive celeb baker we’ve ever had? She is having a GLORIOUS time as her fellow celebs succumb to the chaos. Same, to be fair.

Anne-Marie is a hoot. It’s like she’s just saying everything she’s thinking. Meanwhile … how does Kelly Holmes react when her timer goes off? “TIMER MEANS SOMETHING! TIMER MEANS SOMETHING!”

A glance both BTL and on Twitter shows that the internet has little faith in David Baddiel…

Can’t get over Anne-Marie panicking while being reminded that she has a tattoo of the words “don’t panic.”

And I’m losing it over Anne-Marie’s casual “hello” as Prue inspects her table behind her.

Anne-Marie is doing a banoffee tart. Remember when Daisy Ridley tried banoffee flavours last week?

“Your pastry shall not pass,” he just said. This liveblog is now inexplicitly horny.

We all do, to be fair. The less said about X-Men Apocalypse, the better. He’s now impersonating Gandalf, getting his franchises mixed up. Never found Gandalf sexy before though, so that’s confusing.

While describing a favourite meringue pie that he ate on set, James McAvoy described the film as “X-Men … one of them.”

Matt Lucas: “You’ve performed on a world stage and yet you’re nervous about a little bit of baking.”

Kelly Holmes: “I was running for about 20 years and I knew what I was doing.”

*fire emoji*

Kelly Holmes to Paul and Prue as they approach her table: “Please go away.” We are three minutes into the programme.

“Feels a bit wet” repeats James desperately in the hope that a producer might help. I remember doing similar, pleading with the producers’ blank faces while beating the daylights out of soggy choux pastry.